tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28016404434406615282024-03-14T05:35:27.036-05:00 Long Distance for DummiesAdvice for long distance relationships from a couple who has dated long distance for 2 years. Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-14092645469710301282014-02-12T17:01:00.000-06:002014-03-17T10:23:16.699-05:00Awesome Long Distance Relationship Gifts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xpZLbTOYcXk/UyIqbt-_wRI/AAAAAAAAAZY/6JX4rbvtZDs/s1600/gifts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xpZLbTOYcXk/UyIqbt-_wRI/AAAAAAAAAZY/6JX4rbvtZDs/s1600/gifts.jpg" height="211" width="400" /></a></div>
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One of the things we get asked about a lot is good gifts to get each other in a long distance relationship. You want to get each other something that will make you think of how much you care about each other, and remind you of each other when you aren't together.<br />
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Lars and I got each other a lot of photo gifts in the beginning of our relationship. That's a good place to start. It definitely reminds you of the other person.<br />
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<a href="http://www.dpbolvw.net/click-7479678-11041827" target="_top">
Cafe Press</a> is a great place to start to make some personalized photo gifts!<br />
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Cafe Press also has a new personalized gift: <a href="http://www.kqzyfj.com/click-7479678-11492508" target="_blank">a personalized monopoly board!</a><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Hc7uNSrUp5Y/UyIlJe48ARI/AAAAAAAAAZI/0lNJDUp1908/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-03-13+at+4.37.13+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Hc7uNSrUp5Y/UyIlJe48ARI/AAAAAAAAAZI/0lNJDUp1908/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-03-13+at+4.37.13+PM.png" height="188" width="400" /></a></div>
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I think this would make an amazing gift. Lars and I mentioned in our post about <a href="http://longdistancefordummies.blogspot.com/2013/02/long-distance-dating-rules.html" target="_blank">Long Distance Dating Rules</a> that you should have actual Skype dates. Well what if you had matching custom monopoly boards with pictures of each other that you could use to play over Skype! I can't imagine anything more adorable. I might have to do this myself.<br />
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Everyone loves a cozy sweatshirt:<br />
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<a href="http://www.lduhtrp.net/image-7479745-10467594?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.cafepress.com%2Fproduct%2F55952449_480x480_f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.lduhtrp.net/image-7479745-10467594?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.cafepress.com%2Fproduct%2F55952449_480x480_f.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.anrdoezrs.net/click-7479745-10467594?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cafepress.com%2F%2Bsomeone_in_chicago_jr_hoodie%2C55952449&cjsku=55952449" style="text-align: start;" target="_blank">Someone in Chicago Travel Jr. Hoodie by CafePress</a><img border="0" src="http://www.awltovhc.com/image-7479745-10467594" height="1" style="text-align: start;" width="1" /></div>
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And you can never have too many t-shirts:</div>
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<a href="http://www.dpbolvw.net/click-7479678-10467594?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cafepress.com%2Fmf%2F11349223%2Fsomeone-in-vermont-ash-grey-tshirt_tshirt&cjsku=49275300" target="_top"><img alt="Someone in Vermont Women's Pink T-Shirt Travel Women's Light T-Shirt by CafePress" border="0" src="http://images.cafepress.com/product/49275300_480x480_f.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><img border="0" src="http://www.lduhtrp.net/image-7479678-10467594" height="1" width="1" /></div>
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<a href="http://www.kqzyfj.com/click-7479678-10467594?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cafepress.com%2Fmf%2F11349223%2Fsomeone-in-vermont-ash-grey-tshirt_tshirt&cjsku=49275300" target="_top">Someone in Vermont Women's Pink T-Shirt Travel Women's Light T-Shirt by CafePress</a><img border="0" src="http://www.tqlkg.com/image-7479678-10467594" height="1" width="1" /><a href="http://www.kqzyfj.com/click-7479678-11492508" target="_top"> </a><br />
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Sticking with the theme of cozy clothing, I also think this sweatshirt is adorable:<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GYYG6M2/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00GYYG6M2&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00GYYG6M2&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=pinsandprocra-20" height="200" width="200" /></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pinsandprocra-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00GYYG6M2" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GYYG6M2/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00GYYG6M2&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20">Spreadshirt Men's Distance Won't Matter in the End Blue Hearts Hoodie</a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pinsandprocra-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00GYYG6M2" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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Remember, the goal of these gifts is to make you think of each other. That's why I think the next gift is amazing. It is a compass in the shape of a heart that says "love will find a way" on the back. You can carry this with you all the time and remind you the direction that your heart actually yearns for (kind of like Captain Jack Sparrow).</div>
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0059MVTLI/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0059MVTLI&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B0059MVTLI&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=pinsandprocra-20" height="200" width="200" /></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pinsandprocra-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0059MVTLI" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
<img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pinsandprocra-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0059MVTLI" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0059MVTLI/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0059MVTLI&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20">Love Will Find A Way Pewter Pocket Compass</a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pinsandprocra-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0059MVTLI" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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I'll add one last idea to this post. We might have to repeat this again in the future as we think of more gifts!<br />
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This last gift is a set of adorable pillow cases. If you each kept one, it would remind you every night that the other person was thinking of you.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000Z8RECO/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000Z8RECO&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000Z8RECO&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=pinsandprocra-20" height="200" width="200" /></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pinsandprocra-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000Z8RECO" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /> </div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000Z8RECO/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000Z8RECO&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20">BoldLoft "Say I Love You" Couple Pillowcases</a></div>
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I hope you found this post useful! If you have some more gift ideas, post them in the comments!<br />
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<br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-3110890739755650182013-04-05T18:11:00.001-05:002013-04-05T18:11:43.823-05:00Carry you in my pocket <br />
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-38790901451386219422013-03-30T11:20:00.002-05:002014-03-12T18:32:42.658-05:00Long Distance Relationship QuotesCheesy post alert!<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I3EzlkJvWvA/UVnUCxsooOI/AAAAAAAAAMk/8H0-EbFXUVQ/s1600/dayandnight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I3EzlkJvWvA/UVnUCxsooOI/AAAAAAAAAMk/8H0-EbFXUVQ/s400/dayandnight.jpg" height="240" width="400" /></a></div>
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Sometimes it's nice to see quotes that you can relate to... so here is a small compilation of quotes that we've found about long distance relationships:<br />
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I'm not taking credit for any of these. If you follow the links to pinterest and tumblr you will find all of the quotes and can follow them to their sources.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nl5KUniBJd0/UVt_UfaftPI/AAAAAAAAANs/apbw0KL7thU/s1600/little.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nl5KUniBJd0/UVt_UfaftPI/AAAAAAAAANs/apbw0KL7thU/s400/little.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Found on <a href="http://pinterest.com/shelford/love-and-long-distance/" target="_blank">pinterest</a>:</b><br />
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"You're worth every mile between us"
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"Distance means so little when someone means so much"
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"Together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance but never in heart"
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"Although I may not see him as often as I like, he's still my first and last thought every day and every night."
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"Missing someone isn't about how long its been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that moment when you're doing something and wishing they were right there with you."
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"Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel."
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"Distance isn't for the fearful. It is for the bold. It is for those willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those who know a good thing when they see it. Even if they don't see it nearly enough."
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"True love doesn't mean being inseparable; It means being separated and nothing changes."</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sWtceGQCQRI/UVsJEJJWmPI/AAAAAAAAAM0/tPYDD9m7bQ4/s1600/fearful.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sWtceGQCQRI/UVsJEJJWmPI/AAAAAAAAAM0/tPYDD9m7bQ4/s400/fearful.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Found on <a href="http://longdistancefordummiesblog.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">tumblr</a>:</b></div>
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"Home is wherever I'm with you"
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"One day, the miles between us will fall apart. But, until then, just remember: that no matter what you're doing and no matter where you are, we can always see the same stars in the sky and we will never be apart."
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"One day we won't have to say goodbye; only goodnight."</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--RhX8nfo8hA/UV2vhWUhwJI/AAAAAAAAAN8/rcAUVvU9ckA/s1600/missing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--RhX8nfo8hA/UV2vhWUhwJI/AAAAAAAAAN8/rcAUVvU9ckA/s400/missing.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Do you know any great long distance relationship quotes? Let us know and we will add them.</b></div>
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<su:badge layout="6" location="http://longdistancefordummies.blogspot.com/2013/03/long-distance-relationship-quotes.html"></su:badge>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-65286986514801029142013-03-19T16:51:00.000-05:002014-03-12T18:33:02.932-05:00I love you because...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8Hk5V-p3kiI/URmb9IhlqgI/AAAAAAAAAHo/eqSyjoqoGxk/s1600/love+you+because.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long distance for dummies: I love you because" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8Hk5V-p3kiI/URmb9IhlqgI/AAAAAAAAAHo/eqSyjoqoGxk/s1600/love+you+because.jpg" /></a></div>
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Lars and I talk every day. Some days it's just texts, a lot of days it's on the phone, and a few times a week it's a video chat. Inevitably, there are two things that we say to each other several times a day:<br />
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I love you &</div>
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I miss you<br />
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Obviously these two phrases hold a lot of meaning. And there is a reason why you choose to say them in the moment you do. Our favorite way to make it even more special is to give a reason why we love each other in that moment; a reason why we decided to tell each other how we feel about them.</div>
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These are sometimes silly, sometimes serious, and sometimes sweet:</div>
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<li>I love you because you make me laugh.</li>
<li>I love you because you are always supportive.</li>
<li>I miss you because you are my favorite cooking buddy.</li>
<li>I miss you because you area much better driver than I am. </li>
<li>I love you because you have the cutest smile.</li>
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This simple addition to a common phrase makes us feel even more connected. It increases our communication with each other and helps us understand what the other one is thinking. I definitely recommend it for long distance relationships. You aren't physically part of each other's daily lives, so the best thing you can do is to increase the connection you have to each other and understand each other's feelings in the moment.<br />
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<su:badge layout="6" location="http://longdistancefordummies.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-love-you-because.html"></su:badge>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-3420160919170014852013-03-05T20:02:00.000-06:002014-03-12T18:33:18.045-05:00Long Distance and Social Media<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s-ZxXH64a3U/UTFW7Ye4kYI/AAAAAAAAALE/jk167IMH6_0/s1600/social+media.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s-ZxXH64a3U/UTFW7Ye4kYI/AAAAAAAAALE/jk167IMH6_0/s320/social+media.jpg" height="228" width="320" /></a></div>
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There are the obvious routes of connecting in a long distance relationship. Mostly through phone calls, texts, and video chatting. However, social media is also a way to connect in your relationship. Different social media platforms can play roles in your relationship. Obviously, they should not be the primary role, but they can enhance what may seem like monotonous methods of communication.<br />
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<b><i><b>Facebook:</b></i></b><br />
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This is an interesting one. Personally, when I see people posting on each other's Facebook walls about how much they love each other, I think that their relationship is struggling. I think that if you are trying to prove your love to people in a public way, it means you are trying to make up for something that isn't there. That probably isn't always the case, but Facebook walls are not the best place to express your love.</div>
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(So now you're thinking, hey, you hypocrite! You write a public blog about your relationship. The distinction for me is that Lars and I don't use this blog to express our love for each other. We use it to share <i>how</i> we make our long distance relationship work to help out others in our same situation.)</div>
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Back to Facebook. The way that Lars and I use Facebook to connect with each other is mostly to send each other links to things we think the other will enjoy. Like I posted a link on Lars's wall when I saw that Game of Thrones was coming out with a brand of beer. And Lars posts Harry Potter jokes to my wall. We also send each other messages with links of dream apartments that we wish would be available in August so that we can move in to them.</div>
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Another great thing about Facebook is photos. Both Lars and I will admit that we have spent a little too long going back through each others photos... It is a great way to reminisce and get a good dose of the person you love when they aren't available.</div>
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<i><b>Twitter:</b></i><br />
I created a twitter account to promote this blog, but ended up finding a wonderful community of people in long distance relationships. I always thought twitter was a silly site, but it has actually been pretty great finding all these nice people in similar situations to me to talk to, share stories with, and give advice to. I have ended up using it just to connect with these people in a similar situation to us. Lars sometimes looks at the account to see my conversations with other people and although he doesn't use twitter, he likes the sense of community with people in long distance relationships on that site.<br />
So, for anyone in a long distance relationship, twitter has a great community that you can turn to for support and advice.<br />
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<i><b>Pinterest:</b></i><br />
In case I haven't been clear about it before, I love pinterest. Lars does not use pinterest. For me, it is another great way to find creative ways to make our relationship more interesting. I have a board devoted to long distance relationships where I pin quotes, date ideas, pictures, facts, personal stories, etc. If you are creatively oriented at all, it has lots of inspirations. It definitely helps me think of ideas for cute cards, gifts, and little ways to make our relationship more personal.<br />
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<i><b>Phone apps:</b></i><br />
I had never thought to use apps until I recently took a survey for another long distance relationship blogger. She suggested a few apps that Lars and I try out. The best one so far is called <a href="https://avocado.io/" target="_blank">Avocado</a>. It is awesome. You can send each other "kisses" and "hugs," make lists, events, draw on pictures of each other, and has an automatic countdown if you enter in your anniversary. When you start the app, you create a shared account with a shared password. Lars and I will probably keep using it even after we are no longer long distance for things like grocery lists and quick notes when we aren't together.<br />
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Another thing that we use apps for is for countdowns. If you read <a href="http://longdistancefordummies.blogspot.com/2013/02/long-distance-dating-rules.html" target="_blank">our earlier post on Long Distance Dating Rules</a>, I mentioned that one of the rules is that you should always have something to look forward to. I'm not sure what countdown app Lars uses, but I use countdown+. There are lots of free countdown apps out there. I have a countdown set for our next visit, for our anniversary, and for the date that I'll move back home. It is a wonderful reminder of us seeing each other next, and is great if you are too lazy to open a calendar and count the days yourself.<br />
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<i><b>Blogs: </b></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">Lars and I started this blog just as a fun idea, but it is becoming something that actually brings us together more. </span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">It is a great way for Lars and I to not only work together, but to reflect on our relationship and our ways of communicating. I'm not saying that you have to write a blog together, or even write one yourself, but there are plenty of blogs out there (besides ours) that write about long distance relationships. These are good resources for advice or a dose of humor. </span></i>
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-75206273386142380422013-03-03T21:18:00.000-06:002014-03-13T17:21:01.805-05:00Serious Topics<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">One fallacy of communication in a long distance relationship can be the lack of discussion concerning serious topics. In general, as compared to geographically close couples, long distance couples communicate i<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;">n a manner to accentuate positive affect and minimize differences. Long distance couples are more likely to have greater topic and conflict avoidance, and most importantly, <b>less discussion of serious pre-marital questions</b>. (</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;">Stafford, Laura “Geographic Distance and Communication During Courtship,” (2010) <i>Communication Research</i>, vol. 37 no. 2)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"></span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a>One thing Susie and I do that is helpful to continue building our relationship even while in different parts of the country is to still dig into the important topics that can be harder to bring up to each other. Often couples, especially those in long distance relationships, will fall into the habit of talking about superfluous things that don't delve into the meat of the relationship. Though this is the easier route, it is necessary to continue to do the required work throughout the long distance relationship that will facilitate a deeper connection.<br />
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Always bring up any issue or problem that is on your mind. If you don't, the other person will be in the dark, posing the potential for conflict in the future. Your significant other is not involved in your daily life as much as a non-distance partner would be and may have less insight into these topics. You need to actively bring up these discussions that are so important in building and maintaining a close relationship.<br />
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Another obvious point is that your significant other, though they may know you well, is <i>not a mind reader</i>. Often Susie knows what I'm thinking or what I'm about to say. This comes with knowing each other well, but that does not mean that she knows all the time. Often when I bring up a certain problem I've been having, she had no idea it was even on my mind. An example of this is when Susie and I were brainstorming potential problems for when we move in together. She did not know that I thought our falling asleep methods could be an issue (she likes to fall asleep with the TV on, and I do not) and also that I would not have a problem with her leaving the dishes in a sink for a few days (I don't mind doing them when she is tired or busy). These things need to be brought up now so we would be better prepared for when the issues arise.<br />
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One exciting and beneficial method we use to keep each other expressing ourselves and being honest with each other is to play the <b>question game</b>. In this game, the rules are simple:<br />
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<li>Be honest, and </li>
<li>You both answer any question either one of you asks. </li>
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We do this game often (especially on long car rides to and from the airport...) and it helps us maintain the constant openness and honesty. This promotes trust, brings up interesting topics, and will have us talking about some really important "meat" that would have otherwise fallen through the cracks. As long as you both are valiantly trying to be genuine and honest with each other, your relationship will continue to bloom and ultimately you will grow closer as the time you will be reunited also gets closer. 165 days remaining.
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If you have trouble coming up with questions, try this awesome kindle book!<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00A90ZBKK/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00A90ZBKK&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00A90ZBKK&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=pinsandprocra-20" height="200" width="142" /></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=pinsandprocra-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00A90ZBKK" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00A90ZBKK/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00A90ZBKK&linkCode=as2&tag=pinsandprocra-20">201 Great Discussion Questions For Couples In Long Distance Relationships</a> (affiliate link)<br />
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It can actually help your relationship! </div>
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This is my first time making an infographic, so any advice or comments you have are appreciated! </div>
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-16862864176169176572013-02-20T09:50:00.000-06:002014-03-12T18:34:10.453-05:00Making Visits Count<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1gnGedbHBCA/USUS10H7XgI/AAAAAAAAAIc/jbe8AgXqikg/s1600/making+visits+count.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long distance for dummies: making visits count" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1gnGedbHBCA/USUS10H7XgI/AAAAAAAAAIc/jbe8AgXqikg/s320/making+visits+count.jpg" height="320" width="292" /></a></div>
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You're finally together. So how do you most make those visits count? Here are a few tips from both of us after a recent visit together:<br />
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<b>From Lars -</b><br />
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The highest priority when visiting each other is to not only ensure that there is alone time together, but to spend that alone time without distraction or commitment. Often when couples have a long distance relationship, they make the mistake of filling up their time with hanging with new friends, seeing some local attractions and various other time commitments. Though these things are important, I cannot emphasize how important the time alone together it. This visit, we spent every minute watching movies, talking, or preparing food together (except for one short trip to see my siblings in Boston).<br />
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Early in our relationship, we made the mistake of spending one of our trips packed with family events and outings that we almost got no alone time together and we both felt depraved, making it even harder to spend the time apart knowing we could have had more quality time together. Make sure both of your expectations are clear and stick as close to those agreed allotments of time to best avoid disappointment about how the time together was spent.<br />
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Leaving your phone on silent, airplane mode, or even off is a lot to ask, but it is a sign of respect toward the one you love that their time is more important to you than a text or e-mail. Make sure you tell people that you will be mostly unavailable while you are taking this time to visit your significant other, which will set the expectation that you will not get back to them right away. If there is an emergency, your loved one will understand and ideally will help you with that situation; other than that, it can wait.<br />
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<b>From Susie -</b><br />
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I love that Lars said something about leaving your phone off. I bug him a lot when he spends too much time on it on our limited visits. It's definitely a good way to make sure you have your full attention on that person. That's not to say that you can't check texts or make calls or anything, but don't waste too much time on that when you're with the person you love!<br />
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Visiting each other in a long distance relationship is extremely important, however often you can manage to do it. You don't want to waste time fighting or doing boring things. A good way to think about visits is not as a vacation, but kind of like an extended date. That way, you are more motivated to do things that are oriented towards each other rather than the location you are at. That doesn't mean you can't go out and do fun touristy things, but just don't let those things overshadow each other.<br />
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For Lars and I, one of the things that is difficult for visits is balancing time with each other and our families. When I go back to Chicago for visits, I have not only Lars to see but my parents, my sister, my cousins, aunts and uncles, and family friends. When Lars comes to Vermont, he always wants to see his brothers and sister-in-law that live in Boston (which is a 3 hour drive away). We have to balance time with each other and with family and friends.<br />
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When Lars comes to Vermont, it is almost always for a long weekend. I try to plan the weekend so that we can have a full day to ourselves. The other days can be used to meet each other's friends or visit family or do some kind of outing. But having that one day that is set aside just for us to spend with each other makes all the difference.<br />
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When I go home for visits, it is usually for longer, because I have things like spring and winter break. So for these visits, Lars and I always make a point to have at least one date planned for the visit, and try to spend every night together. Another fun thing that we sometimes do is meeting at his house on his lunch breaks, because I'm free during week days when I'm home but he still has to work. Lars works some nights, so I can usually plan to do things with family and friends on nights that he works and see him on nights that he is free.<br />
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Remember, prioritize each other on your visits. Fun experiences are great, but so is building a relationship.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13819293495546779667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-9013975557261547052013-02-14T06:58:00.000-06:002014-03-12T18:34:24.277-05:00Valentines from afar...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1TZbD4WXTS8/URweOuWpvAI/AAAAAAAAAIM/YjIun60E-7k/s1600/valentines+from+afar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long distance for dummies: valentines from afar" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1TZbD4WXTS8/URweOuWpvAI/AAAAAAAAAIM/YjIun60E-7k/s320/valentines+from+afar.jpg" height="246" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b>From Susie:</b><br />
We decided to write this post together because, well, it's valentines day, and it's romantic. We aren't together today, but lucky for us, we will be tomorrow night! Lars is coming to Vermont this weekend. We've both said in previous posts that we make a goal to see each other once a month, so this is our february visit. Anyways, valentines day...<br />
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This is Lars's and my third valentines as a couple. The first we were apart, the second we were together, and this year we are apart again. We haven't made a huge deal of it in the past. Last year it was my turn to plan a date so I surprised Lars by decorating his room while he was at work and setting up a little romantic dinner for us.<br />
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Our first valentines day was the week after a weekend visit that I spent with Lars, his mom, and his brother. I left him a gift to open, which was a box of Susie Q's and a handmade card (which, I just found out in the course of writing this post, he gave most of them away because he doesn't like them :( ). He sent me sunflowers (my favorite, I did not give them away). I don't remember doing much of anything except that we probably skyped. As I said, we didn't make a huge deal of it. However, there's lots of great ways to celebrate valentines even if you aren't together.<br />
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The obvious thing is to send each other little gifts. Personally, I don't think valentines gifts should be extravagant or expensive, just sweet and thoughtful. That's why I thought the Susie Q's were such a good gift, because they were sweets and were supposed to remind him of me. Turns out, not so great... but cute, still.<br />
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One idea that I had a lot of fun with for Lars's birthday this year was that I sent him a box filled with balloons with his gift on the bottom. It's cute, and balloons don't weigh a lot so it's not super expensive to ship.<br />
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And I can't overemphasize how awesome pinterest is for helping brainstorm homemade gifts, if that is your thing. This year Lars and I are making each other gifts, but I won't say what yet because Lars is reading this.<br />
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Also, valentines is a wonderful opportunity to set up a Skype date. You can cook and eat a meal together, open each other's gifts, watch a cheesy romantic movie, and feel like you're almost together. Skype dates are awesome. If you both have a couple of hours on valentines day, this is absolutely the way to spend it if you're long distance.<br />
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Anyways, here is Lars's take on Valentines day in long distance relationships:<br />
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<b>From Lars:</b><br />
I agree with most of what Susie said in this post except for the explanation that is needed as to why I gave the Susie Q's away. It was for two reasons, the first being I didn't grow up with hostess type pastries (son of a baker who owned a bakery) and second there was a family that had children in the same hotel we were in and they couldn't afford that type of treat, so I felt it was better to give them away than for me to carry them around while I was working.<br />
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Anyway, this post isn't to discuss specific gifts. As Susie mentioned, the idea is to get something with real meaning. Anyone can buy expensive things if they save up for them, but I think the gifts that are remembered and appreciated the most are the thoughtful ones that took time to think about and plan out. For example the box full of balloons with little gifts was a great idea. I haven't used Pinterest, but the best way to plan a gift is to pay attention to your significant other when they mention things they wish they had or what they most want. This will win you big points when you remember those small details and actually follow through with those ideas they mention in passing.<br />
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Doing long distance is difficult no matter when you do it. Holidays are the hardest if you aren't together. It's especially difficult if the other one is with their family and able to be around the other ones they love. To make this easier, we have committed to using our video chat as often as possible. We also text frequently. This may seem like it will leave you nothing to talk about when you are skypeing, but really it helps each of you stay connected throughout each day and will help you remember the small details you would otherwise forget to bring up.<br />
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Be sure to remember your "I love yous" and find ways to show your sincerity through creativity. Be sure to surprise your loved one because this shows them you are thinking about them even when you aren't telling them you are thinking about them. Most of all, keep that spark fueled.
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-482836663081205952013-02-12T19:33:00.000-06:002014-03-12T18:34:36.140-05:00Balance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fGNkPEdPjKY/URrxCp8E9xI/AAAAAAAAAH8/GsbhT8eSJBQ/s1600/balance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long distance for dummies: balance" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fGNkPEdPjKY/URrxCp8E9xI/AAAAAAAAAH8/GsbhT8eSJBQ/s320/balance.jpg" height="320" width="247" /></a></div>
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This post will be more about our relationship in general, but I wanted to bring up one of my favorite things about how us.<br />
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<b>No matter what it is, money, time, or effort we make an effort to always, always, always make it balanced. </b><br />
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We split essentially everything right down the middle. It makes each person feel like they are pulling their weight and does not allow for resentment, jealousy, or any other issues that could potentially happen based on an inequality in a relationship. Obviously perfect equality isn't always possible; for instance my time is more limited than Susie's because I am currently working two jobs and she is in graduate school, so we work with what we have and make sure that we make each other a priority.<br />
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The biggest thing to remember with implementing balance in a relationship, is to do your best. Nothing is perfect and people come from all sorts of backgrounds and demographics, but as long as you both are putting an equal amount of effort into making it as balanced as possible, it will be easier to avoid issues that could otherwise interfere with the relationship down the road.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13819293495546779667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-18593293284478376732013-02-12T10:24:00.000-06:002014-03-13T17:17:59.574-05:00Long Distance Dating Rules<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ad5I19DvE54/URfJQFyLxjI/AAAAAAAAADs/jNSTDeOBab8/s1600/long+distance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long distance for dummies: long distance dating rules" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ad5I19DvE54/URfJQFyLxjI/AAAAAAAAADs/jNSTDeOBab8/s320/long+distance.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>1. Trust each other </b></div>
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You're probably reading this, and thinking to yourself, duh. That's an obvious one for any relationship.<br />
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But for a long distance relationship to work, trust has to be a huge priority. Jealousy is going to play a role in any relationship. You need to both know, with certainty, that neither of you is going to do anything you wouldn't want your significant other to know about.<br />
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When you talk to each other, you will tell each other about people in your lives. And you need to know that just because one of you is spending time with someone that you could be attracted to that it is platonic and will not undermine your relationship.<br />
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I wish I had some good tips for building trust. It is difficult to do when you are not near each other. That's why it's a really hard one for long distance. You have to speak with both actions and words, and speak with sincerity.<br />
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The best advice that I can give is that you need to tell each other that you trust each other. Telling someone you trust them encourages them to live up to that trust, and to trust you as well. If you are suspicious of every action they do, they will start hiding things from you. It's easy to hide stuff if you want to when you don't live near each other. That's why you need to make a point to be open about what you do and about your trust for each other.<br />
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<b>2. Have something to look forward to</b><br />
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Whether it's an upcoming visit, a phone call, a letter, or a Skype date, it is important to have something to look forward to. Something that you can count the days to each other until it happens. When you don't know the next time you are going to see each other, it is easy to feel down. So make something to look forward to.<br />
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Nothing feels as good as seeing the days in a countdown get lower. This will keep positivity in your relationship and make being away from each other seem like it lasts less time.<br />
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<b>3. Talk about your life, even if it seems meaningless</b><br />
<b><br /></b>We tell each other most of what is going on in our lives. Even the small stuff. When you think about it, it is often the small stuff that keeps a relationship going. Of course I will tell Lars if something bigger happens in my life, like getting a good grade on an assignment, but I also tell him lots and lots of little stuff, like the corny joke my professor says during class.<br />
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Keeping a connection to each other's lives is really difficult in a long distance relationship. That's why you should tell each other seemingly meaningless things, things that mean a lot to the person who can't see you when they want to. I love hearing about anything he's doing, whether it's deciding how to best exclude pomegranate seeds from a smoothie, or planning out his future career directions. The small stuff counts.<br />
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<b>4. Send pictures</b><br />
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This is one of my favorite things that we do. Luckily, we have technology to help us through our long distance relationship. I like to send Lars pictures on days that I am feeling particularly cute, or sometimes to illustrate what I'm doing.<br />
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This helps us feel like we are participating more in each other's lives. Or if we miss each other a lot, we can ask each other to send pictures to picture ourselves being together.<br />
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We send each other pictures a lot. Lars at his desk at work. Me with a pile of books. Laying on your pillow at night. Trying on clothes. The first successful omelette I ever made (mine always turn into scrambled eggs).<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JpW4kqnRtrQ/URfU4CG3jVI/AAAAAAAAAD8/hQKfAOe1zzE/s1600/send+each+other+pictures.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long distance for dummies: send each other pictures" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JpW4kqnRtrQ/URfU4CG3jVI/AAAAAAAAAD8/hQKfAOe1zzE/s400/send+each+other+pictures.jpg" height="132" width="400" /></a></div>
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The title picture from this post is from pictures we have sent to each other. This is a great way to include each other in daily life without actually being together.<br />
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<b>5. Make contact, even if only for a few minutes</b><br />
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You don't get to see each other often, so you have to make up for it. Lars works two jobs and is a busy guy. My schedule is more flexible, so we usually try to find time on his breaks. He calls me on his walk to work, or his lunch break. I use him as an excuse for study breaks. We have longer Skype sessions on the weekends when we are both free.<br />
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Take advantage of the little time you have (especially if you're in different time zones!!). The first time around, when I was still in Chicago and Lars was in Florida, he spent about a month working the night shift. It was really hard for us to find time to talk. That's why regular contact in little bits is so great.<br />
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<b>6. Skype dates. Like, actual dates.</b><br />
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This might seem silly, but it is actually wonderful. It is great to video chat with each other no matter what, but I love when we set little dates. It's our way of having dates even though we aren't together.<br />
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Some examples:<br />
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<li>Watch a movie at the same time. You can talk to each other and see each other's reactions. </li>
<li>Cook a meal at the same time while you talk to each other. </li>
<li>Get ready together in the morning.</li>
<li>Play a game together. </li>
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We actually set times for these skype dates and plan ahead. Sometimes they are spontaneous, but it is another one of those things that you can have to look forward to. One of my favorites was when we both made popcorn and watched Harry Potter together. And ended up falling asleep with the video chat still going.<br />
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(check out our post on <a href="http://longdistancefordummies.blogspot.com/2014/02/awesome-long-distance-relationship-gifts.html" target="_blank">long distance gifts</a> to see where you can make an amazing custom monopoly board to use on Skype dates!)</div>
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<b>7. Express when you're having a hard time</b><br />
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It's no secret that long distance relationships are hard. And some times are harder than others. Don't try to keep this inside, thinking it will worry the other person. You're in this relationship together. Talk about when it's difficult for you. Explain why.<br />
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Keeping contact at these times is critical. It will help you build your confidence in trust in each other, and it will help you figure out how to get through the most difficult times. Together.<br />
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<b>8. Make a point to visit each other, and budget your travel</b><br />
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Obviously this one will be different for everyone depending on how far apart you are and how much money you can spend. But we make a point to see each other. Our goal is to see each other once a month, alternating who visits.<br />
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This is easily justifiable for us. Just think about how much you would be spending on dates and such when you live near each other, and budget that much for travel. Once a month visits don't seem so expensive compared to weekly dates. And each of us pays for our own travel, but we help each other out too.<br />
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Sometimes it makes sense to take turns visiting each other, but sometimes it makes sense for one person to travel more often as well. In our situation, I'm away at school, but Lars is in Chicago near my family. So when I visit him, I am also visiting home. So it makes sense for me to visit him more often than he visits me because I would be visiting my family anyways.<br />
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<b>9. Support each other </b><br />
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Another "duh" one. But because you aren't together, you have to be especially clear about supporting each other. You can't give each other hugs to celebrate accomplishments. You have to use your words.<br />
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So tell each other what makes you proud of them. Tell each other congratulations for accomplishments, even if they're small (see rule 3). Don't get mad if one of you doesn't text back for hours because you were working, tell them how proud you are for their dedication. Support and trust go hand in hand, and you need to work especially hard at both for long distance relationships.<br />
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<b>10. Always say goodnight</b><br />
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One of my favorite things that we do is always say goodnight to each other. Usually through text, sometimes on the phone or on a video call. It is a wonderful way to include each other in your routine. I can't go to bed without telling him goodnight (or putting on my eye cover).<br />
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It's also a great opportunity to send a sweet message for the one who goes to bed first to read when they wake up. There is nothing like waking up with a smile.<br />
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Having each other as part of your daily routine will make you feel closer. And knowing that you will get a goodnight text is one of the little things to look forward to.<br />
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-16254314675443519292013-02-10T17:34:00.000-06:002014-03-12T18:35:07.758-05:00The BeginningTo be honest, the beginning of any long distance relationship can be the most difficult. I am Lars and this is my first post / blog of any kind. This is just two main things that I dealt with in the beginning of our long distance relationship.<br />
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If you're used to having that loved one around, you now need to adjust to the larger amounts of time that you will have. One thing that is important to do is to find people or activities to help fill that time. This can happen in a few different ways. For me I found these two options helpful:<br />
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<li>Develop and maintain close friendships and </li>
<li>Start a new activity/hobby/project that you've been putting off.<a name='more'></a></li>
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Another aspect that can be difficult in maintaining the connection with your significant other is the physical aspect. What has worked for Susie and me is to make a commitment to seeing each other AT LEAST once a month. This ensures we have that needed physical connection and comfort. It is very important in maintaining that aspect of the relationship. Being apart is hard and taxing on any relationship. By making this commitment you are showing that your significant other is worth the time, money, and effort required to get off work and get to the airport / drive to where your significant other is.<br />
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I have found that by sticking to those two commitments, it has proven possible to maintain the connection with my loved one.<br />
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Stay strong and know that it is worth it and you can do it, together.
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13819293495546779667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2801640443440661528.post-84093464284167618482013-02-09T09:52:00.001-06:002014-03-12T18:35:27.820-05:00Long distance is hard... but it's doable. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5V2omK9WK74/URfZEDoGxbI/AAAAAAAAAEE/lDSHVyHrf7s/s1600/longdistance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long distance for dummies: long distance sucks, but it's better than the alternative" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5V2omK9WK74/URfZEDoGxbI/AAAAAAAAAEE/lDSHVyHrf7s/s1600/longdistance.jpg" /></a> </div>
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Let's face it. Long distance relationships suck. But, if you care about the person enough, long distance is a much better alternative than not being together.<br />
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I'm Susie, and this is the second time in about 2 1/2 years that my boyfriend, Lars, and I have been in a long distance relationship. When we first started dating, I was a sophomore in college and Lars was a senior a month from graduation. And after graduation, he was moving to Maryland. We both knew it. But, we dated anyways, without trying to "define" the relationship.<br />
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We visited each other a few times at first. He came to the Chicago area to primarily visit his mom, but also got to spend time with me. I was going to New York with my family, and so after the trip I took the bus to DC to see Lars. He came out for homecoming. We found reasons to visit each other, even though we weren't "in a relationship" yet. </div>
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But after about 8 months, Lars came to Chicago. To visit me, no other reasons this time. And we decided that we cared about each other enough to be exclusive and call ourselves "in a relationship." This decision, for me, hinged on the possibility that Lars might move back to Chicago. Once I knew that he had plans to move there in the future, I was able to commit.</div>
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So, a year after we first starting seeing each other, Lars did move to Chicago. It was wonderful. We got to see each other several times a week. We got to celebrate holidays together. We didn't have to deal with bad internet connections for Skype or organizing travel plans.</div>
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But then, when I graduated, I decided to pursue a Master's degree. In Vermont. So here we are again, in a long distance relationship. </div>
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Despite being long distance, we are very happy together. We make a point to talk to and visit each other. And we have figured out how to make long distance work, for us. We decided to share some of our wisdom with other people struggling through long distance for the first time. So, we hope that our advice helps you. </div>
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13705654396434485617noreply@blogger.com2